A Fierce February 2005

The trial of State vs. Martin Saiz, the trial of Carolyn's murderer, took 3 weeks in February. We hoped he would accept a plea: murder one + 20 years. He did not, so we went through a trial of fire in which almost 50 witnesses for the state and 15 witnesses for the defense testified in court and the justice system moved tediously forward. My thoughts on the whole experience:

1. Although the monster was found guilty on 2 charges of first degree murder and 13 charges of tampering with evidence, and we “won”-it is a hollow victory as we don't get Carolyn back. Our lives will never be the same-every joy shadowed by her absence.

2. Sometimes during the trial I thought what's wrong with the old testament idea of “an eye for an eye.” New Mexico is trying to do away with the death penalty and Carolyn did not believe in the death penalty.

3. Innocent until proven guilty- it was difficult to embrace this idea while sitting in court and yet our whole democracy is based on this concept. We have to believe in it.

4. People ask, “How did you get through it?” My only answer is that we were surrounded by family and friends and many prayers that literally lifted us up and allowed us to put one foot in front of the other. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You must do the thing, you think you cannot do.”

5. We were so gratified to see that our jury system worked. The jury of 6 men and 6 women were diverse in age and race. They gave up 3 weeks of their lives and in the end came to the conclusion that was so clear to us-Carolyn depended on the janitor to open up her portable classroom-instead he took her life.

6. The last phase of this trial will be the sentencing phase. Another learning experience, the sentence can be increased (in N.M. life sentence is only 30 years) if the charges are aggravated. Although this could be done in front of a jury, the defense waived that right so the Judge will decide. We are asking people to write Judge Macaron and explain why the sentence should be increased longer than 30 years.

7. Revenge is not healing. Working to continue the good works Carolyn cared about and making Carolyn's Causes a memorial to her life is healing. We will continue to hold a camp for special needs children the last weekend of every July. We will fund other projects she was interested in that may involve animals, the environment, women's rights, the poor and of course her real passion-children.

8. The sunflower necklace fund raiser will continue as one way to raise money. We are looking for other ways.

9. Carolyn lived her life doing good and gave her life fighting evil. If this evil monster is taken off the streets so he can no longer hurt another woman or child, she will be satisfied.

written by Kay Thurman